by Jaki Thomas
We hear it all the time. “I’m nice, but nobody wants me.” And “I’ve been as nice as I can to her, and she’s still not interested.” If you listen to the so-called nice guys, all women want bad boys, and nice guys always are the last to find someone to return their love.
The sad truth is, the guys who say this are usually right. They rarely get the girl they’re pursuing, and when they move to the next woman, it’s more of the same. If you’re a “nice guy” struggling in the romantic arena, here are five reasons why the ladies are looking the other way.
1. Define nice.
No, really. Define nice. When you think about it, nice is the generic term we use for things (and people) that tend to blend into the background. It’s been used and overused so much that it’s virtually meaningless, like good and kind. Think about it. When was the last time you got excited about something you could only describe as nice? If the best you can come up with to describe yourself is “nice,” then you’re probably about as interesting as a day old doughnut.
2. Show me, don’t tell me.
Nice guys spend a lot of time telling other people about how nice they are. But if you’ve got to tell me you’re nice, chances are good that you aren’t. It’s like a guilt trip used to make women feel guilty for not choosing you to spend time with. “But I’m nice.” Well, so is sliced bread. It’s not telling me how nice it is though, and neither should you.
3. Affection isn’t for sale.
This doesn’t apply to all the self-proclaimed nice guys out there, but if the shoe fits… If you have already expressed your interest and been shot down, attempts to buy the affection of the woman in question just makes you appear desperate. Yes, it’s nice to have someone get your favorite bottle of wine or treat you to dinner someplace fancy; but if she didn’t like you before that, you’re not going to win her over by spending your hard-earned cash on the things she loves. It’s mildly insulting and highly manipulative – which kind of shows that you aren’t as nice as you say you are.
4. Desperation is unattractive and annoying.
All the buying things and listening to her man troubles doesn’t make you more endearing. It makes you look desperate, and desperation is ugly. If you’ve expressed your interest and been invited to just be friends because she doesn’t think of you that way, continued efforts to get her to change her mind make you an object of pity. The best that can happen is that you get shifted to the friend zone permanently. The worst? She stops talking to you altogether.
5. Nobody is perfect.
Not you. Not her. And not the guy she picked instead of you. Truth be told, depending on the situation, everybody can and has been a jerk. Maybe the guy she’s going out with isn’t doing the things you would do if she were your woman. The fact is, you’re not, and that doesn’t make him a jerk or her stupid for not picking you instead.
Sometimes, no matter how great you think you are, the object of your affection won’t like you. That’s not a statement against you or them – we can’t control who we love. If you truly are the nice guy you say you are, there’s a woman out there waiting for you to find her. Stop pursuing the unwilling and find your real loveby