The Across the Table Talker
“Yo homie, I went to the club the other night and I met so many dimes that stole my heart it wasn’t even funny”. You’ve heard conversations like this. It’s obvious what the hell is going on and that bastard doesn’t even care. They talk about their hands, drop hints on what their cutting… “nah, man you don’t want to play those anymore”. It pisses me the hell off. Back in the Old West days, guys like that would’ve been taken behind the bar and shot.
It’s even worse when they drop hints on what they want their partner to play… “I know my boy coming with that King of Spades, I know he is.” It doesn’t matter if his partner has the King of Spades or not. The hint is to come high with spades because he thinks he can run the table after that’s played. Cheating bastards.
The Partner Cutter
Is there anything more beautiful than watching you Jack of Clubs walk? Nah, it’s one of those that you don’t even count as a possible. So when it happens you’re like “damn, look at that”. And that’s when your partner cuts you with a five of spades. And it’s something they do consistently… just habitual partner cutters they are. You can’t play confidently with a partner that doesn’t watch the board. Moreover, there is something painful about watching that “could have been a set” book slip away from your grasp.
The Spade Hoarder
In war, it’s always good to fight in waves when storming the hill. The first wave is a strength check and then after you understand your opponent’s defenses, you bring the pain. Having a handful of Spades is no different, which is why people wait until the end to let them go. But there are times when you have to release the Kraken and pull those spades from your opponent’s hand, making it possible for another suit to boss up. There are also those occasions where you’re on the cusp of setting those fools and you need your partner to put his nuts on the table and let ‘em know it’s time to advance and be recognized.
But they’re sitting there holding onto their spades like it’s the last tube of deodorant in the zombie apocalypse. And there is nothing worse than needing a few books to set someone and your partner lets them go even when he’s sitting on the A, K, Q, of spades.
The Under bidder
Trying to play with someone who can’t cout booksMe: How many you got?
Me: How many you got?
The UB: I got three and a possible. What you got?
Me: I have two… let’s go six.
(8 minutes later)
Me: Damn, you got eight books. We could have gone a ten for two.
The UB: I didn’t count my King of hearts and club and I didn’t expect my Queen and King of Spades to walk.
Me: (flabbergasted) Man, you had all of the aces plus seven spades… bid your damn hand.
I can respect a man that leaves the house with a mindset to take over the world and fall flat on his face in the driveway; but when you play soft as a box of wet tissues that just gets on my damn nerves.
The Cut the Deck Ten Timer
I didn’t spend all that time shuffling the cards just to sit there and watch some jerk cut the deck every which way ‘til Sunday. What’s the purpose of that anyway? Unless you have a skill of setting the deck then stop it.by